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Have any ieads about Assisted Living Care?
QUESTION: Hello. That i love my dad, i want what's best for him and that i'm
legally responsible, i'm trying to learn quickly how to affectively deal
with the situation. His dementia is not severe, though he has been
declared incompetent. We have family living with him 24 / 7 in his
home, in that there he's most familiar with his surroundings and close
to friends and other social contacts. Both he and i agree that the
longer that he can stay at home, the better. Before the hospital became
aware that i had durable p.o.a., they swiftly attempted to get
guardianship and to place him into an assisted living facility. Yet then
i and my attorneys convinced them to back off. When needed, we'll hire
a cna, or more highly trained medical personnel. Our family is
committed to being there for him. Yet eventually, an assisted living or
nursing home may be better for him, though at this point, i'm not
convinced. I'm interested in your opinions per at home care, assisted
living care and nursing homes.
ANSWER: Bravo to you for fighting for your dad to come home. I think that's great,
if that's where he & you want him to be. Each situation is different & only
you can judge what is best for him. There' no right or wrong, but my
experience suggests----
Stay observant and flexible. This disease is a progressive decline. What
works one month may not the next. I suggest you explore available options
BEFORE you need them. Do visits to facilities-just to see them (without
him). Talk to agencies about help available-including the contract agencies
that supply in-home help. Join a support group so you can learn from what
others are going thru. Stay tuned here...... FYI- assisted living vs. NH
decision will depend on "skilled" need. ALFs vary greatly. Gradually
become familiar with the difference-before you really need to know .
Focus on your dad's needs- rather than automatically assuming that staying
at home is the best option no matter what. It depends on whether he is
involved & has a quality to life appropriate to his needs that can be
managed by available resources. What you describe, sounds good for the
moment. Enjoy it & support him as you see fit. You will be very glad you
did-no matter what's ahead.
Although, you can't exactly predict how things will decline; they will.
There can be behavioral problems, medical problems, safety issues that may
become more than can be managed at home. Add the cognitive decline-not
comprehending words, routine, recognizing those around him, apathy &
withdrawal, anxiety-etc. It can be very taxing to provide a safe,
stimulating, caring environment for someone whose world has very little
correlation to ours. [I'm thinking sleep-awake cycles here. Think of
paying your help to watch him sleep because he had you up and down thru the
night. Also "more highly trained" medical help is an illusion if there's
not the medical need. You'll be fortunate to find the right person with
dementia experience. It could be that he needs social/recreational
stimulation-so he'll sleep at night or interaction w/ peers even if they all
are talking word salad.] Also just knowing what is best for him can become
problematic-unless you have experience with dementias (another reason for
joining a support group-they can problem solve). At a certain point-logic &
common-sense don't help much in knowing what is best.
Pre-AD experience I would have advised you to define your limits of
tolerance. I think that is still important to consider when there's impact
to family. But the reality will probably be different than what you imagine
now-so be observant and stay flexible. Some ADLOs are able to be managed
very well at home because of their uniqueness & specific situation. But
others just can't be-for a lot of reasons. Just be open to knowing things
might need to be changed at some point-for his benefit.
Many of us have had to place our LOs & it's not an easy thing to do. But at
the right time, it can be the best option & they end up at least temporarily
thriving. Other times, it's not good at all. You can do the most for your
dad, by keeping up with all the options available & monitoring his needs.
It becomes apparent when things don't work anymore & if you have an idea of
what's out there-you'll have more of a chance of controlling things on your
own terms.
I had no idea there was such a thing as dementia-care specialty ALFs & once
I visited a particular one, I knew that it was more appropriate to my MIL's
needs than our home was. There was just no question. But you don't get to
that point without research, experience, & a bit of pain.
There's a wealth of experience available here. Hope it helps you cope.
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