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QUESTION: If you lose your mind, will anyone be there?
I know you all are busy with the fight, so Ill keep this as short as I can.
My Mother is losing her mind, day-by-day, hour-by-hour.
Now shes a person who got caught up in one of those 60-minute Scams that
you see, think, How horrible for ~that~ person, and go on with your life.
Well, she and her husband got sucked in, and would not listen to a soul, but
Eddie and Freddie, about 10 years ago in Florida. This was a woman who
has had a kick ass life, plenty of money, fun, travel, homes, wonderful
social life, etc. However, my Dad died, she married a jerk, he was a
know-it-all and the rest is history.
I guess a bit like a cult, in that way. Slowly, they lost their million $s,
they lost their yacht that they had proclaimed, Well NEVER be in a nursing
home. Were just going to go out on our Yacht, take pills, and end it. They
even lost their home, ended up homeless for awhile, living in their
millionaire friends guest houses. All this while, they refused to listen to
family, kids, their closest friends, or attorneys. Her jerk husband died,
left her with $100 (literally) and NONE of his 5 kids would come to the
funeral. (Ya..he was a jerk!) I flew there (this was right after I left the
cult), had an estate sale and sold all of their stuff, and my brother came
and helped get her in an Assisted Living Place in Florida.
About one year ago I was called and told, Your Mother lit her skirt on fire
(She smokes), and we have to throw her out. Jeeeeeeeeeeeshwhat next?
Ok, so I had to really think about that. Now you have to know, my Mother and
I havent had the greatest relationship as adults. She was a terrific Mom as
a child, and Ill always cherish those memories of her. However, she was the
queen of criticism, due to drinking, after my Dad died. I kept thinking
about it, and I finally thought, If I had 3 kids and I never saw them, Id
probably light my skirt on fire too.
Long story short, I moved her out here, realizing there MUST be a bigger
message to all of this. I pick her up at the airport, and she says, It was
So nice of you to have me out. I said, Well, you moved her, Mom. She
said, Oh noooooooo, I didnt move heremy favorite blue chair is still in
Florida. That was my first clue that ~something~ wasnt right in river
city.
I put her in an Assisted living home here in Burbank, and life was rolling
along.
Many of the family said, What are you crazy to move her near you? I knewI
didnt know why, but I knew it was the right thing to move her here. And it
has been! Yes, shes drifting away, but that entire personality filled with
criticism is gone, and this lovely woman is here, my Mom. Theres an
amazing air of innocence about her, as she is very much drifting away. Now
roll forward months of me trying to help this personas she slowly slips
away. None of the family wants to help, she burned all those bridges as an
alcoholic for years, and with her jerk husband everyone hated.
The other day I get a call, Your Mom fell, broke her hip, and shes here
in the hospital. I zoom over there to find my Mom, looking half dead. I tap
on her gently, Mom? She opens her eyes and gives me her loving smile. Hi
honey. My Momshes such a dear. I ask how shes doing?
She says, Ohhhh just fine. I got sick of the kids, so I thought Id come
over here.
((Shes IN a hospital gown, in a hospital!)).
I cannot say enough: IF you dont have everything in writing re your
parents, no matter how well off they are, get it all in writing. Now shes
too far-gone, and Im completely lost in the bureaucratic red tape.
Anywaywho cares, huh? I know, no one does. Thats part of the tragedy of
it. Its such as insidious disease, and even worse, no one wants to hear it.
When Nancy Reagan said, Its a long, long, good-bye, I know what she
means.
The other thing I suggest is make a plan with your families NOW, because if
it strikes, you cannot believe how suddenly everyone is busy, and its
really too much for one person to try to handle.
I left C of S on July 19th, 2000. This process of waking up and finding *my*
life has been amazing, I have to tell you. It's a bit like a kid in a candy
shop for me, much of the time. Oh sure, I have my ups and downs, but just
being free of the endless labels I constantly was called in Scientology
makes even the lows good. Sure, I cry a lot, but I've found great solic with
friends who care, both real friends, and just wonderful people I've met
since I left.
To those who have made fun of me, laughed at me, pointed out my weaknesses
ad nauseamI hope you find something more valuable to do with your lives
than to just try to tear people down. I know there are things Ive posted
that werent the best, and Im sorry about that. However, I am not a liar
and Im not brain dead, and I dont appreciate the few who keep pushing such
things over and over. Im sure these same people will get a big laugh out of
that, and I guess thats what people like that do.
Most of the people here on ARS, and OC have been terrific, and my hat is off
to each of you for the endless, tireless work youve done to expose the
abuses of the insidious cult of greed: The Church of Scientology. Thank you
to those who have helped me, throughout the years. Each one of you knows who
you are, and your kindness has been outstanding. I've learned a great deal
from many of you, and although you may not know it, your words have helped
me. Really, thank you doesnt even come close. Your kindness, help, care,
thoughtfulness has been lifesaving for me, each and every one of you!
Each day I wake up and thank God for people such as you, who have helped me
when many others did not.
Four years ago just about today I woke up, out of what felt like a coma. I
had bought a dream, as Cerri mentioned, and I too thought it was true, I
wanted it to be true, and I felt I could help the world. I was one of those
true believers, and so 'in it'...I refused to look, or see what actually
was...for a long time. Once I did, it was one of the biggest, greatest
shocks of my entire life.
Having my own 'Church" chase me across the country was unbelievable to me!
Being "Fair Gamed" myself was also beyond belief; I'd stood up in courts
insisting, "It never happens! That is not true!" Being declared "SP" and
meeting some of the "Biggest SP's" and finding out they are wonderful people
has all been amazing, in itself.
Then having Black PR Campaigns be run on me, has been something out of a
novel. Me? Why? All I've done is try to share my story with others, and help
expose the serious abuses the organization known as "the Church of
Scientology" works on others, daily. It's been tough, I admit it, but you
know what? I honestly believe I've had some of my biggest personal gains
from facing such things said to me, and realizing it's Ok. I've been able to
find me, through all of this, and that's someone I've been looking for
...well...for probably over 30++ years.
However, when people say things and they're just out and out mean, and
nothing will clear it up---those are things that are painful, and for what?
As Paulette Cooper stated years ago, there are feelings behind these
keyboards. Please remember that as you hit the send button.
I wish each of you good cheer. Re my Mom, I pray none of you have to go
through this, especially all alone. Try to listen to me on this, and get the
papers and agreements in order. Not one family thinks it will happen to
them, but when it does, there is such a pain of looking into the shell of
what used to be your Mom, and seeing this innocent lamb, looking at you with
such uncertainty, holding her hand outwith this expectant fear of, What
next?
Thank each of you.bless you!
Life is so precious and when you go through something like this, I guess
grace and dignity become more than words. We all want our parents to live
great lives, and none expect them to end up with so little. Life is ~so~
precious, and If you forget that, drop by an assisted living home near you
and spend an hour with the many lonely elders dreaming ~someone~ will come
see * them *. You won't believe how much just going to talk with them
means.
Each of you holds a greatness that is way bigger than you. All you have to
do is find it, if you haven't already. Many have, and thank you for sharing
it. Ive been working since I left to find myself, my real self, and I will
continue on this outstanding journey. I hope we can travel together more in
the future.
My love to each of youand now...I'm off to hold my Mom's hand, one more
day, one more hour, one more good-bye, "I love you".
ANSWER: Thank you for this Tory. I don't write here often, but this touched me
so much.
Good luck on this part of your life, Tory. I just hope that others who
go through the same have the compassion that you do.
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