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Nursing Home Administrator
QUESTION: I'm 97 years old. Feels damn good to be retired. Now I just sit around and
play video games and do net stuff all day. I was at a nursing home, but I
got kicked out.
See, I bought a DreamCast and this other old er kept calling me names.
He'd come to my room wearing his PS2 shirt and start saying like "HA!
DreamCast sucks!", "U R Not Ready", and "PS2 OWNS, man. It OWNS!" It
wasn't too bad at first. I figured I could take his crap for a while. I
figured that he'd finally shutup when GameCube or X-Box destroys PS2. But
then his grandkids came to visit.
He took his grandkids to my room and then pointed at me saying, "Look kids.
This man bought a DreamCast and is now waiting for GameCube. This is what
happens when you get alzheimers."
Then his bratty grandson said, "Wow. He must be really stupid. Doesn't he
know that PS2 OWNS? I mean, Sony even said so. It OWNS. It's L33T!"
And his granddaughter said, "Yeah. That guy's a dumb. What a dumbf..."
Well, that did it. I didn't even let that little bitch finish what she was
saying. I stood up and yelled, "If yaaa smeellllllllll! What the Old Man
is cooking!"
Then I got up from my wheelchair, which took me a little while, and ripped
into them with my microphone skills.
"So, you old dumb geezer. You come to the Old Man's room everyday and you
run your mouth about PS2 owning everything. You run your mouth about me not
being ready. You run your mouth about everything Sony. But that wasn't
enough. You go ahead and bring your fat, snot nosed, gap wearing, gap
toothed, milk baby of a grandson to run his mouth. And even that wasn't
enough. You had to bring your knock kneed, fell out of the ugly tree, dirty
panty, skanky daughter to run her mouth too. Well, the Old Man says this:
The Old Man is not going to be angry. In fact, the Old Man is going to give
you a present. The Old Man is going to buy himself a new DreamCast because
the Old Man is going to give you his old one. But before he gives the
Dreamcast to you, the Old Man is going to hold it up to the light... shine
it up nice and pretty... open the lid and clean the laser lens... make sure
all the cables work... then turn it sideways... and stick it straight up
your CANDY ASS!"
That's when all hell broke loose. The granddaughter started to run away,
screaming, "Holy ! He's gone gone crazy. Help! Nurse! The old
dumb needs his shots or something." But I was pumped by this time and I
had the adrenaline going. I grabbed her by the hair and then gave her a
short arm clothesline. Her gap wearing, gap toothed brother hit me from
behind with a low blow and I dropped to the ground. Then the old er
grabbed a chair and started hitting me with it, all the time screaming: "PS2
OWNS! IT OWNS!"
The gap wearing, gap toothed grandson kept yelling, "Yeah, get 'im grandpa!
This is so L33T!"
And the granddaughter kept asking, "My panties aren't really dirty, are they
Grandpa?"
I was getting messed up when there was this guitar riff that came over the
intercom and my buddy from across the hall came in and said, "Oh, you didn't
know!? Yo ass betttaaaahhhh caaalllllllll some bah deeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!" My
buddy spun the old er around and gave him two quick lefts which left the
old dizzy. Then my bud started doing the white boy dance, but he
couldn't finish the move because his hip went out. The gap wearing, gap
toothed kid grabbed the chair and hit my friend with it. But it didn't
matter, that was all the time I needed.
I got back into my motorized wheelchair, raised up my fist, and yelled, "I'm
an American Bad Ass!" I revved that wheelchair like I was on a Harley
Davidson and then ran over the gap wearing, gap toothed milk baby. Then I
jammed on the brakes, flew out of the wheelchair, and gave the skanky girl
the Lou Thesz press and started hammering away with punches to her head.
The old er wasn't dizzy anymore by this time and he ran at me like he
was going to do something, but I was ready for him. He tried a clothesline,
but I countered with a spinebuster. Then I threw my elbow support into the
crowd of nurses that had gathered to watch. I waved my arms in front of me,
ass smacking style. Then I ran into one wall, bounced off of it, ran into
the opposite wall, bounced off of that, and then gave the old er the
most electrifying move in the geriatric ward: The Old People's Elbow.
Kapow!
My buddy was on his feet by now and the nurses kept chanting, "Table!
Table! Table!" So we got a table and set it up near the old er.
Then I turned to my buddy and asked, "So, what do you think will be the best
thing about GameCube?"
He answered, "I think it'll be the HARD HITTING 3D!"
We then put the old er through the table with a Dudley Death Drop.
I got kicked out of the nursing home by the suit wearing administrator soon
after that incident. But that's okay. I dropped him with a Stone Cold
Stunner just before I left. So I'm back at home now. Playing vids all day.
ANSWER: OMG !!
I just busted a gut !!
Tears from laughing so hard !!
Classic !!
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