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Would it be
reasonable that someone on the nursing home staff would be
able to help with this?
QUESTION: I'm addressing this to Eva, because she works in a nursing
home, but would appreciate any opinions and pointers.
Hubster's MIL had a episode where she lost strength in her
legs three weeks ago and couldn't get up or walk; no clear
diagnosis was made; peripheral neuropathy or a blood clot
that lodged in her spine and then dissolved was suspected.
After a few days in the hospital, when she recovered a small
amount of strength, she was transferred to a nursing home
for rehab, with the initial hope that she might be able to
go into assisted living. She's not working very hard at it,
and it seems more and more likely that she will just end up
in a nursing home. IMO she was barely a candidate for
assisted living when the episode happened.
Now here's the problem. Hubster is the one who is in
control of her financial assets and has power of attorney.
He has accepted that she won't be going home again, or even
to assisted living. A couple of his siblings, however, are
still in denial. They are looking at continuing care
(what's the point if she'd go straight into the nursing
section) and even talking about bringing her home in a month
or two when she's all better. "Home" is problematic, since
none of her kids are able to care for her at home in any
case, so it would be in an apartment with a companion or
nursing assistants (not really affordable, anyhow).
Are there any resources out there that can help people
accept the reality that their parent is in an nursing home,
and that they won't be getting better? Get over the denial
and deal with the guilt? Web sites? Books? Would it be
reasonable that someone on the nursing home staff would be
able to help with this?
ANSWER: I don't know of any resources out there, but try talking to the social
services person at the nursing home. They might be able to point you in
the right direction. During my mothers last weeks, the Social Service
person in the hospital was helpful about pointing me in the right
direction. Of course I didn't have siblings to deal with and DH and I
were in agreement.
There are some people who just can't accept what is happening to their
loved one and other who are able to face it. I am glad that your husband
has the control over her affairs.
Sorry you are having to deal with family problems, in addition to every
thing else.
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